Movie 43…a change of pace

The 361st movie I have seen in theaters

Star studded cast, what could go wrong….

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Almost everything it seems. Where to begin?

This film is about an aspiring screenwriter (Dennis Quaid) who gets a meeting with a studio exec (Greg Kinnear) to pitch his idea for a movie. In reality it is a series of shorts in one film. As he tells the idea, we get to see it acted out by famous performers such as Kate Winslet and Richard Gere.

The result is a steaming pile of monkey poop.

To be fair, there were a few laughs. By a few I mean 7 or 8.

The Catch

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The opening skit with Hugh Jackman is unfortunately one of the best of the bunch, and that is just Jackman walking around with a scrotum on his neck, while Academy Award Winner Kate Winslet reacts in horror. Thats it.

Homeschooled

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Up next is a terrifying bit where Liev Schrieber and Naomi Watts homeschool their son, and recreate the entire high school experience for him, including first kisses and gay encounters…with their son. Incest. yay.

The Proposition

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It just gets worse from there on as Anna Faris wants her boyfriend to poop on her to show his love. The semi filled theater had given up by this point.

Veronica

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Next was a charming segment where Keiran Culkin and Emma Stone profess their love to each other in a grocery store. Not a laugh in the sketch.

iBabe

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A send up of Apple with iBabe! An mp3 player that looks like a naked woman! At least there was nudity in this part.

Superhero Speed Dating

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Next we have speed dating with Robin, Batman, Superman, Supergirl, Wonder Woman, and The Penguin. How they got permission from DC comics is beyond me. This did give me 2 or 3 of the 7 or 8 laughs. Mostly centering on Supergirl’s incredibly hairy Bush… yeah. This is a great example of why DC can’t get their shit together for Justice League.

Middle school Date

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Adorable Chloe Moretz getting a period, and causing a panic.

Happy Birthday

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features Johnny Knoxville and Sean William Scott. Sean is mad at Johnny, and to make it better, he catches a Leprechaun for him. A foul mouthed Leprechaun played by Gerard (300) Butler. This might be the strongest of the segments and it was directed by Brett Ratner. What the hell kind of movie has it’s BEST part made by the bane of modern cinema??

Truth or Dare:

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This is followed by Truth or Dare with Stephen Merchant and Halle Berry. A couple of chuckles appear here. The photo shows her after inserting a turkey baster full of hot sauce into her vagina btw.

Victory’s Glory

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Then we get the Black Basketball Players versus White Basketball Player section. Not a laugh in the entire thing.

Beezel

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After some credits, we get Beezel, the psychopathic cartoon cat. Bizarre, but somewhat funny. Not funny enough to redeem this.

I honestly don’t know what to say. I have not seen a movie this bad since The Avengers. Not THAT Avengers, This one:

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Even Avengers might have the edge on this one. It might actually be on even keel with The worst movie of the 00’s!

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A Pathetic film. lets hope it is quickly forgotten. Also- 4% on Rotten Tomatoes. I have to agree.

After all these good, quality films I’ve been seeing, it was a nice change of pace to watch a shart that somehow came to life. Not a good start to 2013.

3 thoughts on “Movie 43…a change of pace”

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