2013: The Skinny

Hello my 3 readers! Or is it more than 3? Maybe more than 94 according to WordPress.

I got my “Yearly Report” this morning and I was pleasantly surprised to see that I had over 2900 views this year! From 94 countries no less! I don’t know what brings you here, but I thank you for tuning in! I’ll do my best to make 2014 more productive for my “Skinny”.

Now, before we move forward with the list, I have to clarify one thing…I’ve been lying to you all year. Back in February, I compiled a list/review of every movie I have seen in movie theaters. Every Movie. From 1987 to 2012, 25 years of Cinema. Somewhere in the punch drunk hours of the night, as I wrote this list to end all lists, I lost count. I somehow missed a couple of years in the early 2000’s and my count was off by over 30 films. I sat down, and revamped those lists this week:

I made a point of putting numbers next to every single movie on the list. I then had to go back to every movie post made in 2013 and edit the…

The ###st film I have seen in theaters…

…tag that starts all of my recent reviews. Once that pain in the ass was over, I realized that my total tally jumped from 348 to 382! 2014 will be the year I hit 400. So cool. But that’s not why you are here.

This is it everyone! I have assembled my top ten films of the year as well as the absolute worst. Now, a disclaimer: I have not seen everything. I am not a professional reviewer, and am only able to see a small, very small, fraction of the major releases never mind every indie movie that is the darling of expensive film festivals. These are movies everyone has access to at the local cinema. There are several I WISH I had seen (Captain Phillips, 12 years a slave, Wolf of Wall Street) but I just did not have the chance. I am also not seeing as many bad movies as I once did. My crap filter has developed to the point where I can save myself a lot of aggravation. Of the 23 movies I saw in 2013, these are the notables. Enjoy.

This was relatively easy as it was the FIRST movie I saw in 2013. Everything went up from here.

Sweet Jesus, this movie is terrible. Sitting in the theater, I had an unmistakable moment of awareness this may be worse than Battlefield: Earth. I do not write those words lightly. Battlefield was the worst film of the “aughts“, and possibly of all time. At the very least, I could identify BF:E as a movie. This is a series of almost to not funny clips trying to be the next Kentucky Fried Movie. It fails miserably. For a detailed recounting of the horror that was Movie 43, check out my review.

Honorable Mention:

This absolutely would have been the worst if not for the black hole that was movie 43. I am still not sure if it was a comedy. (review)

This year was also fairly easy to assemble. There were SO MANY “meh” movies that it practically made itself. I was actually a little scared that I could assemble ten films in this list, but we made it. In reverse order.

I was amazed to see Tom Cruise make it back on a top 10 list, but he did. This surprisingly good scifi movie hit all the right notes for me. Pretty much Wall-E with clones instead of robots. (review)

I was not expecting something this good on that cold April day, but Olympus delivered. Great action, good cast, and no cheese. A straight up action flick in the vein of Die Hard. (review)

I was a bit surprised how low this one placed, but while good, I don’t think it measures up to the competition. It builds on the work in the first and advances the story forward. Wonderful casting and cutting edge effects and technology come together to give us a great adaptation of the novel. (review)

The best version of the novel. It was a stylish take on my favorite book that was miles ahead of previous efforts. (review)

The most fun in a movie theater this year, hands down. Seeing this in IMAX was the only way to see it. The biggest tragedy is that I will never see it on that scale again, meaning my one viewing was likely my only viewing. (review)

Katniss does it again, while I loved the first film, this was incredibly improved. It amps up the danger and went in a direction I was not expecting. Not reading the novels was actually a tremendous advantage. (review)

The best of the Cornetto trilogy. This was a terrific look at aging and the desire of some 40 somethings to recapture those lost years. Pegg gives one of his best performances in the midst of an Alien Invasion. (review)

This was the epitome of the Superman I grew up with. It was the first serious take on a “Super” character. No cheese, no comedy, a serious movie. This turned off a lot of people who complained that it was “joyless”. They expect every comic movie to be Avengers where the jokes keep pace with the action, but that’s not what comics are. When you read a comic, the stories are serious. Superman isn’t funny, neither are those around him (save occasional Jimmy Olsen Turtle Boy). This was one of the best comic movies ever made because it did not screw around. Those Phantom Zone Penis Prison ships were an unfortunate choice though. Might have made #2 if not for that. (review 1 and review 2)

Oh this was a tough one. I had this pegged for Numero Uno since I left the theater. Woody Allen back in top form. Cate Blanchett making a very strong play for Best Actress, and a great assortment of costars. This is the reason I see films, especially in the theater. It’s a whole different experience seeing Woody’s world on the big screen. (review)

Pulling out the late win is American Hustle. I had a tough time deciding between this and Blue Jasmine, but it was the strength of the actors that propelled this to the top. It looks at the late 70’s as it was often portrayed, seedy, run down, corrupt, but with style. I am not sure what Oscar love will find it’s way into the hands of David O. Russell, but there should be some. It’s still in theaters- go see it. (review)

and that, Ladies and Gents, is 2013. See you in the new year as I watch a few movies in January and prepare for the Oscar race!