Wonder Woman 1984

Absolutely terrible

cooltext1465648253

It is 1984 and Business/Con-man Maxwell Lord gets a hold of the WISHINGSTONE, a magical item that grants wishes. Diana wishes Steve Trevor was back from the dead and he comes back… in the body of some random dude that Diana promptly rapes. Dr Barbara Minerva wishes to be just like Diana, because shy nerdy women are not real people and have no value. She then wishes to become a kitty cat, and becomes one. Lord wishes to BECOME the stone and tries to take over/destroy? the world by becoming a genie. Yeah.

cooltext1465648520

I feel bad for Gal Gadot. She was fine in the first film, but didn’t bring much to the table this time around. I don’t know if it was the nonconsensual sex with the random dude Steve Trevor is possessing, or that her entire plot revolves around letting go of her 65 years-dead boyfriend. As we all know, superwomen are defined by their boyfriends.

Kristen Wiig got done dirty here. She actually turned in the best performance of the movie, the problem was the particular movie she was acting in. Aside from the REALLY bad CGI on her at the end in “Cheetah” form, I liked her work here. It’s a shame the script had no idea what to do with her. It was a retread of Batman Returns, Batman Forever, and Amazing Spider-Man 2. The nerdy person wants to be cool and gets super powers.

Maxwell Lord is actually one of my favorite 1980’s comic characters. That run in Justice League by Giffen and DeMatteis is one of the best. The villainous turn he took over the last 10 or so years was really well done. I was looking forward to that modern version of the character showing up, especially with his deadly history with Wonder Woman. That Max did not show up. Pedro Pascal is a terrific actor, doing the best with what they gave him. Unfortunately they gave him a turd sandwich and he had to pretend to like it.

You see that fanny pack and Member’s only jacket? THAT is his entire purpose in this movie. He is here for schlock, fish out of water scenes as the WWI pilot sees the world of the 80’s. The problem is, the whole wishing him back to life also made him mentally disabled. People in 1918 knew what trains were. They had seen fireworks before too. He shouldn’t have been too amazed by these things. Nor could a propeller pilot ace from WWI be able to fly a modern jet. I felt bad for Chris Pine. I hope they paid him well.

cooltext1465648823

I really don’t know what else to say. It was BAD; really, really bad. The mid credits scene featuring Lynda Carter just made me sad. They roped her into this shit show too? A misfire of epic proportions. This was such a stinker that I am now worried about Director/Writer Patty Jenkins’ next film: Star Wars – Rogue Squadron.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.